Three Ghosts
by Strata's Stargazer
Summary: Since the day he had been rescued, Oliver has been torn between the person he was and the person he is today. Visits from three ghosts will happen, to show him the path back to the light. Shout-out to the Christmas Carol. Spoilers to S03E09.
1. One

Arrow – Three Ghosts

_A/N: So, this happened. It's definitely a homage to the Christmas Carol, so we have the Three Spirits (Ghosts) visiting our poor little Oliver Queen. Which I just realized was the name of an episode in S02 with similar themes, but this one will be working to a different goal. _

_I'm going to try and post a chapter a night (maybe every other night) and I expect this to be maybe 3-4 chapters. Beware, they will be long chapters but all the better, but all the better for you!_

_Spoilers up to S03E09, obviously._

~Strata Stargazer~

* * *

><p><em>One<em>.

He was cold, colder than he could ever remember, except maybe that first year on Lian Yu. The type of cold that set your body on fire from how painful it was and all you can think about is having it consume you so you could just give up.

"_Survive._" Snapping his head up at the Chinese, Oliver found himself huddled in front of a small fire surrounded by rock walls. Disoriented, he took in the cave before spotting the figure staring at him from across the fire.

"_When we met, I told you to survive_," Yao Fei said, eyes dark from the inside his green hood.

"I-I did," Oliver stuttered, wondering why he couldn't feel the heat from the fire. A twinge in his chest made him gasp and he shivered as the cold became worse. "I got off this island!"

"_No. Oliver Queen died on this island,"_ Yao Fei intoned flatly and Oliver's breath caught at the statement. Since he had been rescued he had been haunted by that same thought, that the Oliver who left Lian Yu was not the same Oliver who arrived. "_You are but a ghost of that man."_

"So what? I kept surviving; I was the one who escaped alive!" Oliver bit off before curling into a tight ball as the cold got worse, the fire growing smaller in front of him. When he finally straightened, he found Yao Fei standing by the cave entrance.

"_You are lost. If you cannot find a way to survive as you are, you will die,"_ Yao Fei warned before turning and walking away.

"W-wait!" Oliver called, struggling to his feet. He could barely stand and had just managed his first step when the cave started to shake around him, rocks falling around him, like the time Yao Fei had trapped him to keep Fyres men away. Collapsing back to the ground, he watched the fire die out and he was plunged into darkness.

"Yao Fei!"

sSSs

"Come on, buddy. Up and at 'em!"

Feeling a hand slap against his face, Oliver swatted it away in irritation as he regained consciousness. Groaning, he opened his eye to stare in shock at the person leaning over him.

"Tommy?"

"Thank god. I thought you were never going to wake up. Would have ruined this whole thing going on for you," Tommy grinned as Oliver continued to stare in shock.

"But, you're…"

Raising an eyebrow at Oliver's unspoken statement, Tommy rose to his feet before holding out his hand. Slowly, Oliver reached out to take it and let Tommy pull him to his feet. The motion pulled at his chest and he bent over at the pain, gasping at the shock of it.

"It'll fade in a bit," Tommy told him conversationally and Oliver turned his head to look at Tommy. His friend was smiling in a way he hadn't seen since Oliver had revealed himself as the Hood and seemed fine to wait until Oliver could straighten.

"What are you doing here, Tommy? Where is here?" Oliver asked and Tommy sent him a "are you stupid?" look he only got from Felicity anymore.

"Come on, Oliver. You have to recognize your own house," Tommy said and Oliver looked around to realize they were standing in the foyer of the Queen mansion. "This way!"

"Wait, Tommy!" Oliver called, rushing to catch up with Tommy. "How am I home? I was..."

Frowning when he couldn't remember where he had been, but knowing he had been far from Starling City, Oliver followed Tommy into the living room. He blinked at the large Christmas tree set up in the corner because it wasn't Christmas yet, was it?

"The one thing I loved about your house was the abundance of alcohol," Tommy said, strolling over to Oliver holding two glasses of whiskey. "Let me tell you, hard to come by anymore."

Numbly taking the glass, Oliver wandered over to the tree. Fingering the familiar ornaments, he spun at the sound of heels on hardwood floor.

"Mom," he gasped as a Moira Queen stepped into the room. Staring through the tears, shocked at seeing his mother alive, Oliver took a shaky step towards Moira who was frowning in Tommy's direction. She was so young, he thought, taking in the long hair he remembered from his childhood. "Mom?"

"Oliver Jonas Queen!" Moira called and Oliver jerked to a stop as she spun on her heels and went to the desk in the back of the room. "Get out from under there!"

"But, Mom!" a kid whined and Oliver's eyes widened as a blond head emerged from under the desk and a five-year-old version of him stared up at Moira.

"Raisa said she put you to bed hours again," Moira scolded, even as she smiled down at the younger version of her son, running a hand through his hair. "What are you still doing up?"

"I'm waiting for Santa!" Oliver stated, pouting at being caught.

"Why?" Guiding them back to the door, she didn't see Tommy who was slowly drinking the whiskey or the older version of her son staring from next to the tree.

"I wanted to ask him something, because I forgot to when I saw him at Dad's work," Oliver explained.

"Oh? Can you tell me?" Moira asked, sinking down so she was eye level with Oliver.

"Don't wanna," Oliver muttered, shuffling nervously.

"Well, Santa won't come until you're in bed," Moira explained, "but I can be your messenger. Pass it on?"

Silent, Oliver stared at her before sighing and Moira lifted a hand to cover her smile at the expression on her son's face.

"I want a brother!" Hand dropping in surprise, Moira blinked before frowning.

"A brother?"

"Yeah, because…because you and dad are always busy, and Raisa's a girl!" Oliver explained with childish exuberance. "But if I had a brother, I would have someone to play with all the time! And I'll be a good big brother, I promise!"

"I understand," Moira said seriously before standing. Bending, she pressed a lingering kiss to Oliver's forehead before smiling. "I'll tell Santa. Now, it is past your bed time."

"Ok," Oliver pouted and Moira smiled softly as they left the room.

"I love you, my special boy."

"Love you, Mom."

Staring at them, Oliver took a shaky breath before reaching up to wipe away the tears that had fallen while he had watched them. He barely remembered this memory, but seeing his mom – alive and smiling, from the time _before_ everything- was a gift he didn't think he would ever have again.

"Sorry, but we got to keep the ball rolling," Tommy said as he stepped up next to Oliver, not mentioning the tears. Patting Oliver's shoulder, he turned them around and Oliver closed his eyes against the blinding flash of white that seemed to overtake them.

sSSs

"Oliver."

"Dad!"

Staring, disturbed by the sudden change in their surroundings, Oliver turned only to freeze. He had thought seeing his mom was a shock, but nothing prepared him to see Robert Queen walking towards him.

Looking down as someone passed by them, Oliver watched two young boys around ten run by. They were a study of contrasts, one blond and the other dark as they came to a stop in front of Robert Queen.

"Man, I was a looker even at ten!" Tommy announced, sipping from the glass of whiskey still in his hand.

"Hello, Tommy," Robert said, staring down at ten-year-old Tommy Merlyn before frowning. "Is your dad still not back?"

"No, sir," Tommy said before shrugging. "Like I care."

"Hm." Withholding commenting on Merlyn's continued disappearance from Starling City, Robert turned to Oliver with a smile. "Ready to meet your sister?"

"Yes, sir," Oliver said, grinning up at his father. Turning, the three wandered down the halls, trailed by their older counterparts.

"Knowing Thea's my half-sister, too, this is kind of fun," Tommy announced, shrugging away the look Oliver shot him as they stepped into the room.

This time, Oliver was prepared to see his mom alive, but something still tightened in his chest as he watched his father go to her side and press a kiss to her forehead. Sometimes he forgot that there were days when Robert and Moira Queen loved each other, days when the lies were far enough away to not dim their brightness.

"Oliver, Tommy," Moira greeted, waving them over to the bed. Cautious of the small bundle crying in her arms, Oliver finally stopped next to his mom. "Meet your sister, Thea."

Shifting the cloth so they could see the scrunched up face crying out against the world, Oliver shifted nervously. He wasn't around little babies that often because he was too noisy. Thinking this one was coming home with them, he wasn't sure he was happy with the new addition.

"Come here, Oliver," Moira instructed, patting the bed next to her_._ Sharing a look with Tommy who gave a shrug of _what can you do, man?_ Oliver joined his mom. Shocked when she handled him the crying baby, he froze as she gently adjusted him. "Keep her head up, support it with your arm. There."

Looking down, Oliver blinked as the crying seemed to die down. Blue eyes stared up at him in curiosity before the baby let out a happy gurgling which caused him to grin.

"Did you see that?" Oliver asked his mom, who was staring down with her own smile.

"Of course. She knows you're her big brother," Moira said, reaching out to gently brush her hand through Oliver's hair. "She knows she can love you and that you'll protect her."

"Yeah," Oliver breathed, bold enough to hold out a finger near the little one waving around. Grinning again as the little hand wrapped around his finger, Oliver fell in love with his sister in a moment.

"This is an important day, Oliver," Robert spoke up, and across the room Oliver could see the love in his father's eyes as he stared at the three figures on the bed. "After today you aren't just Oliver Queen. You will also be Thea's big brother. It's a big responsibility."

"I can do it," Oliver promised his father, not taking his eyes off his sister. "I'll protect her."

"Time to head out," Tommy said, and Oliver turned to stare at his friend even as Robert echoed the statement and started to gather up their younger selves. Following Tommy out into the hallway, Oliver grabbed his arm.

"Tommy, why are we seeing these things? _What is going on?_" Oliver stressed, wincing as the pain in his chest flared up briefly. Tommy seemed to notice, his smile slipping away as the hallway around them disappeared.

"I'm trying to save you, Oliver," Tommy told him seriously and Oliver flinched back. For several seconds they stared at each other before Tommy glanced up at the ceiling and sighed. "Time to move on."

"Wait!" Oliver said, but Tommy brought his hand up and snapped his fingers.

sSSs

"Hey, I remember this party!" Tommy yelled over the noise that seemed to suddenly surround them. Oliver twisted in a circle, hating the press of bodies against him. They were mostly kids and it took him a second before he placed a few as high school classmates. "Well, a little bit. I was wasted!"

"Where are we?"

"My 16th birthday party!" Tommy yelled back over the noise, wriggling his way between the bodies around them. "Remember? My dad let me have it at the house and we broke into his alcohol stash because I was pissed he wasn't getting me a Maserati!"

"But why here?" Oliver asked, confused. Compared to their last two stops, coming to the first time he and Tommy got drunk was an odd choice.

"Because! That!" Tommy said, pointing over Oliver's shoulder and he turned. "I'm going to go get more booze!"

Pressing through the crowd and wishing for the solitude of the Foundry, for quiet except for the sound of fingers flying over a keyboard, Oliver sighed as he escaped the mob and found himself standing in front of him and –

"Laurel." She was so young, so fresh, he thought. Unlike the rest of the girls who were in revealing skirts and stomach baring tops of the late 90's, she was dressed conservatively in a flower print dress that went down to her knees. She was also the only one drinking soda.

"Ollie, we need to talk!" Laurel said over the music, but his younger self rolled his eyes. "Ollie!"

"Fine!" Taking her hand, Oliver pulled them from the main living room and into the quieter halls of the house. Feeling his stomach sink because he was slowly remembering what was coming, Oliver trailed after them as his younger self found an empty bedroom and pulled them in.

"Thank you," Laurel sighed as the quiet engulfed them only to give a shriek as Oliver pushed her against the wall and crushed his lips to hers. Shoving against him, she panicked when he didn't move back, his hand coming up to grab her breast. "Ollie!"

"You like it?"

"No!" Remembering the training from her dad, Laurel pulled back her free hand and landed a solid blow against Oliver's cheek, sending him crashing to the floor.

"What the hell, Laurel!" Oliver barked as he stared up at her, hand against his face. Panting, Laurel stared down at him with wide eyes before sniffing as tears filled them.

"You- you jerk! Why did you do that!?"

"I thought it was what you wanted!"

"I wanted to _talk_, you moron!" Laurel shouted, going and shoving Oliver back to the ground as he moved to stand. Swearing as he reconnected with the floor, Oliver glared up at her but Laurel was on a rampage. "Why would you think "talk" was the same as "kiss me"?"

"It normally does," Oliver muttered, leaning back on his elbows. He had already learned that girls didn't like "talking" with him. No, they were more interested in other activities, especially if it meant a few favors in return for their _generosity_.

"Oh, Ollie," Laurel sighed, finally calming down as she stared at him before sitting on the edge of the bed. Scowling at the pity in her voice, Oliver pushed to his feet.

"What did you want then, Laurel?"

"I really wanted to talk. You skipped school the last three days, Ollie. I was worried," Laurel said, eyes wide as she stared up at him.

The anger from just a second ago faded under that gaze and Oliver sighed, sitting next to her on the bed, mindful to keep a few feet between them. He hadn't meant to scare her, hurt her, like that; Laurel had been his friend since 6th grade, but he had stared to notice she wasn't the same lanky girl that used to tag around with him and Tommy. Now, she was slowly becoming the prettiest girl in the school and he wanted her, so when she had said she wanted to "talk" he had been smug, because it meant he got Gorgeous Laurel.

"It's fine. Tommy and I were just playing around," he told her. He hated school, the look the teachers gave him when he didn't score perfect on the latest test or showed up late. He could see them asking him silently, "_Aren't you Robert Queen's son? You should be better._" He hated that, so he had started to skip and Tommy was more than happy to go with him.

"Oh, ok," Laurel said, nodding shortly. Playing with the edge of her skirt, they were silent before she spoke up. "You shouldn't let the teachers bug you."

"Who says they bug me?" he asked defensively, standing up and pacing the room.

"You forget you're talking to the teacher's pet," Laurel said with a self-mocking smile. "I've heard them talk about you and about your dad. They even told me to stay away from you."

"Perfect," Oliver grumbled, turning to the door. Fuck the teachers. He couldn't care what they thought. But Laurel…he thought she would be different, that she could see him as something different from them.

"Hey, wait!" Laurel said, jumping after him and grabbing his hand. "Where are you going?"

"I'm staying away," he sniped back and her eyes widened.

"I didn't say I wanted you to stay away!" she blurted and Oliver paused, fascinated by the blush on her cheeks. Taking a deep breath, she met his eyes and told him, "The teachers are idiots, Ollie. They don't know you like I do."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Like, I know you secretly take Thea's carrots because she doesn't like to eat them," Laurel said before rushing on. "And you're really nice to Sara, even though she's a pain when you come over. And there was the day you rescued that cat when we were thirteen because it's owner was crying.

"The Oliver I know…the Oliver I like," Laurel said slowly and Oliver's eyes widened in surprise at the confession, "isn't the Oliver Queen they want you to be, or the Oliver Queen in the news. He's just…my Ollie."

Staring at her, Oliver took in her words as the tension that had been building in him seemed to disappear. Slowly, in case she was still spooked from before, Oliver bent down to press a gentle kiss to her lips. Laurel let out a shaky breath at the contact, but didn't pull away so Oliver stayed still for a few seconds longer before pulling back.

"Do you want to go and get dinner on Friday?" he asked her and watched as her eyes brightened before nodding.

Following the happy teenagers back to the crowded room, Oliver tracked down Tommy who was cheering on his younger self who was trying to do a keg stand.

"I had no control back then!" Tommy laughed before turning to Oliver. For a second his gaze tracked over to the young Laurel, his eyes softening in a way Oliver had noticed too late. "I take it the young couple is happily together?"

Nodding, Oliver watched as his friend pointedly turned away from Laurel in him to see young Tommy slip and collapse to the ground.

"Tommy…"

"Time to move on!" Tommy announced brightly, just as the front door was busted in by the SCPD.

sSSs

Ears ringing from the sudden silence, Oliver looked around to see they were standing in front of a small coffee shop. Something about it was familiar, but it wasn't until he saw a couple of college kids pass by that he placed where they were.

"Cambridge?"

"Apparently. Home of your last failed attempt at the Ivy Leagues," Tommy announced, tossing the Red Solo cup in his hand over his shoulder. "Praise god, coffee. I missed coffee as much as alcohol. Let's go in!"

"Hey, Tommy!" Oliver called, but Tommy had already disappeared through the door. Slipping in after him, he paused in the coffee shop as Tommy ducked behind the counter to help himself to a cup of coffee. The shop was mostly empty, only a few people scattered around and the two baristas, and while Oliver knew it wasn't where he normally went to get coffee while at Harvard, it was vaguely familiar.

"I believe in the coffee gods," Tommy breathed. "So, do you know why we're here?"

"I thought you were the one in charge of this…whatever this is," Oliver said, confused and Tommy gave a small shrug.

"A little, but not a lot. I wasn't expecting this stop, so it must be good," Tommy said, strolling over to an empty chair. "Speak of the devil."

Turning, Oliver watched the version of himself that was six months away from having his whole world shatter stumble through the door, bumping into someone on the sidewalk on the way in. Rolling his eyes when he realized he was drunk – a common state for most of his time at Harvard – Oliver shifted out of the way.

Reaching the counter, Oliver smiled at the pretty barista who flushed in response.

"Hi."

"H-hi. I mean, welcome, what can I get you?"

"Your number," Oliver said, grinning when the line elicited a brighter blush in the _very_ cute barista. He heard a soft noise behind him, but ignored it to continue smiling at the girl.

"I…uh…I meant to drink," she whispered softly.

"What do you recommend?" he asked, leaning against the counter.

"It's a coffee shop. She recommends the coffee," a voice snapped behind him and both Oliver's straightened.

"Felicity?" Oliver breathed next to Tommy who smirked into his cup of coffee. He didn't even recognize her with the black hair and baggy black clothes she wore, but he would know her voice anywhere.

"Seriously. Some of us are here to get coffee, not to pick up the hot girl behind the counter," Felicity continued while the Oliver in front of her continued to stare in surprise. "Well?"

Shrugging, Oliver turned back to barista and with an easy smile, ordered a double-shot latte, extra foam.

"That'll be $3.83," the barista told him and Oliver reached for his wallet before remembering it wasn't there, thanks to his "friends" who had helped themselves to it after he decided to call it a night.

"So, about that," he started, flashing another smile at the cutie, only to hear the girl behind him swear.

"No wallet?" she interrupted again before stepping around him without hesitation. "Two drip coffees, his in a to-go cup please."

"Hey!" Oliver snapped, only to have the girl spin around to glare at him with bright blue eyes.

"No "Hey!" from you. I'm being nice and buying you a coffee, which you obviously need because you are drunk," she hissed. "I didn't have to, but I'm on 48 hours with only 2 hours of sleep. I'm being generous, because I want my coffee. And seriously, what kind of guy orders a latte? At least pretend it's for your girlfriend when you aren't trying to hit on the under-age barista."

"I can't believe I didn't like her," Tommy murmured and Oliver realized he was smiling as he watched Felicity give his younger self a dressing down.

In a huff, she paid for both coffees before walking past them to take one of the big empty chairs tucked against the window. Sitting down, she pulled out her laptop and was typing away before looking up in annoyance as the seat across from her was taken.

"I swear, if you hit on me, I'm throwing my coffee on you," she snapped and Oliver quirked an eyebrow at her before taking a drink of his coffee.

"I just wanted to say thank you, and enjoy my coffee," he told her with a smirk, watching her roll her eyes before focusing back on her laptop. Pausing, she reached into her bag and pulled out a thick book, which Oliver actually recognized. "Hey, the Odyssey. I read that."

"I'm shocked," she murmured, flipping the book open before flicking a glance his way, "that you can read."

"They don't let just anyone into Harvard," he told her and was met with another snort.

"You go to Harvard?" she asked derisively and Oliver grinned in realization.

"You are M.I.T. No wonder you don't like me," he said and the girl shot him a look before opening the book, obviously thinking that didn't need to be answered. He watched her flip through the pages before she would type something on her computer, somehow fascinated by her actions until she finally snapped the book close and glared at him.

"Stop staring!" she hissed. "It is so creepy! Is it because I bought you the coffee? They say that's how you get stalkers, but that lacrosse player came out of nowhere, so buying you coffee does not seem like the start of a creepy stalker-stalker…ee relationship."

Blown by the pace of her words, Oliver asked, "Do you always talk that fast?"

"Only when I'm nervous. Or mad. Or both, per the current situation," she told him with a wide hand gesture. "Or sleep deprived. Or I have had too much coffee. But really, who can have too much coffee? Don't answer that, because the answer is no one. Coffee is the drink of the gods."

"Amen, sister!" Tommy called out, unheard.

"You're amazing."

"No, I'm exhausted and you're drunk. It's just not a good mix," she sighed before frowning. "What happened to your wallet?"

"My…friends borrowed it," Oliver told her scowling.

"Don't sound like the best of friends," she said, taking a sip of her coffee while Oliver shrugged.

He had met them when he had transferred to Harvard that fall and joined their fraternity. At his father's request he had been trying to keep his antics on the down- low (no need to advertise he was on his fourth college and only got in because of a generous donation from the Queen family), but it hadn't taken long for the guys to realize he was _the_ Oliver Queen. He had basically bank rolled everything they did since then, so tonight had pissed him off when they decided to just help themselves to his wallet.

He missed Tommy, back in Starling, who liked him with or without his open wallet. Thea had called to complain about him missing her birthday – _again_. It had just been a shitty night that had only gotten better when he had come to this coffee shop and bantered with the girl across from him.

"I'm gonna go," he sighed, realizing he had reached a new low if he was happy to just sit and talk to a stranger.

"Happy adventures," she said, saluting him with her cup.

"Thanks for the coffee," he said, holding out his hand. "I'm – "

"Name not necessary," she said, even though she did put down her cup to shake his hand. "Just a word of advice: you should look into friends who don't see you as a walking dollar sign."

"Harder to find than you think."

"Maybe you just need to look in different places," she told him with a teasing smile before going back to her computer and book. Draining the last of his coffee, he tossed the cup before leaving the shop, an oddly satisfied smile in place.

"I don't even remember this," Oliver murmured as the world around him started to fade away. Felicity was the last part and he stood watching her read the Odyssey before she too disappeared.

"That may be because we spent the rest of the weekend partying when I made a surprise trip up," Tommy said, standing from the chair before patting Oliver on the shoulder. "Hard to remember anything after a black-out weekend. Come on."

sSSs

"Are you starting to get it?" Tommy asked.

They were standing on Lian Yu, only steps from his father's grave. He could smell the sea, still familiar after years off the island and he stared down at the marker on the grave.

"Get what? What has been the point of all this? Showing me all those memories, your being here – none of it makes sense!" Oliver told him and Tommy sighed, dropping onto one of the larger rocks nearby.

"You told Felicity that you don't know how to be both Oliver Queen and the Arrow," he explained and Oliver flinched back at the memory. "But the problem is that you don't remember who Oliver Queen is."

"Tommy – "

"Olive, I was your _best friend_," Tommy said, cutting Oliver off before he could interrupt. "I probably knew you the best back then, because we were both facing the challenge of living up to our fathers' names. But the Oliver I knew? He never came back from here."

Silent, because he often felt the same, Oliver simply watched Tommy.

"When you came back, you acted like nothing had changed when _nothing_ was the same. You pretended you were still the slacker playboy, to hide the fact that you couldn't be him anymore," Tommy sighed. "You pushed Laurel and me away, your family, even Thea."

"I – "

"But, you showed them," Tommy said, pointing, and Oliver turned and looked down where he saw the plane and the three figures for the first time. A flash of blond hair caught his eye and he watched Felicity tilt her head and make gestures as she walked next to him on the beach. "John Diggle and Felicity Smoak. You let them see a part of you that you wouldn't show anyone else."

"It was easier with them."

_With her._ Felicity had seen through his lies since day one, with the stupid laptop, and it had been freeing. He didn't have to smile when he didn't feel like it or hide the anger that had come back with him from the island and that was still in him, even after Merlyn and Slade, and she didn't say a word.

"Yes, but it just tore you apart even further. You have been torn, Oliver, between the you you were and the you that survived and returned to Starling City. As long as you stay like this, you are still stuck on this island. All I've done here was try to show you the way, the way I wish I could have done when I was alive."

"Tommy," Oliver started, turning towards his friend. He still didn't understand what was going, and the pain in his chest was worsening now that they were back on the island, but he had to tell him -

Freezing when he saw Tommy was gone, he stared across his father's grave at Yao Fei.

"_Remember_," Yao Fei said, before releasing the arrow in his grip. Gasping as it pierced him, he stared down to see the arrow shaft stuck into the right side of his chest. Crying out against the pain, Oliver stumbled back to the edge of the cliff before falling off, flying towards the ground.

_~To be continued~_

* * *

><p><em>AN(2): I'm pretty sure I liked writing Tommy the most. Obviously the story overall is meant to be serious, but what I've been the most impressed with for the series is the writers ability to keep small, funny moments alive amongst the darker tone of the show. I'm also sure most of you are in agreement that the Tommy/Felicity friendship would have been awesome, had it been possible. The coffee scene was my favorite to write :)_

_Expect the next chapter as the bell tolls two!_

…

_(Really, by Christmas)_

_**Disclaimer:**_** I do not own Arrow/Flash, or any other property affiliated with this show. If I did, Stephen Amell would be shirtless more (they really cut back on those workout scenes this season; it's been sad).**


	2. Two

Arrow – Three Ghosts

A/N: Oh my god, was this a bitch to write.

* * *

><p><em>Two.<em>

"Ollie."

"Ollie!"

"Oliver. Wake up."

"Felicity!" Gasping awake at Felicity calling his name, Oliver bolted upright before shuddering at the memory of falling. Panicked, he looked down but the arrow was missing and he was wearing his Arrow outfit.

"Figures the only way you would rise from the dead is for her," a soft voice teased and Oliver snapped his head up to stare at the figure standing across from him.

"Sara."

"Hi, Ollie," Sara said with a soft smile. She was dressed in her Canary outfit, just as the last time he saw her alive.

And when he buried her in the empty grave with her name on it.

For the first time, the shock of her death – Thea's involvement, Merlyn's manipulation – seemed to hit home for him. He had been forced to bury it under his worry about Thea, but alone and facing her ghost, Oliver was as stunned as the night they had gone to the Foundry to find Sara dead on the medical table.

Making a soft sound, Sara crossed over to Oliver and knelt next to him, wrapping her arms around him as he cried out his grief for the first time.

"Oh, Ollie, it's ok," Sara soothed him, holding on tightly. "I don't blame you. I could never blame you."

"Thea," he croaked and felt Sara sighed.

"I know. Just as I know she was being used by Merlyn," Sara told him, letting go so she could sit back on her heels. Her eyes were kind, always so kind when she looked at him. Cupping his face, she bent in until their lips met in a soft kiss.

"You wanted nothing more than to save me," Sara told him, wiping away the tears as she pulled back. "But I'm past saving now. Now, I'm here to save you."

Standing, she held out her hand and with a soft breath Oliver let her help him to his feet. For the first time he noticed they were in the Foundry, but it was dark, only the emergency lights going.

"Save me? Why? Why do you and Tommy keep saying I need saved?" Oliver asked. "You know better than anyone that I'm a killer. I've lied and hurt the people closest to me because I know I _can't_ be saved."

"Is that why you pushed Felicity away?" Sara asked and Oliver flinched. "Because you think you can't have someone who matters?"

Rolling her eyes when Oliver stayed silent, glaring over her shoulder, Sara shifted until she was in front of Oliver again.

"Do you really think pushing people away is a way to protect them? Or is it a way to protect yourself?" she asked and he clenched his jaw, unable to answer the question.

"Fine, then," Sara sighed. "Let me show you what your stepping back is doing."

sSs

They were in Laurel's apartment. He instantly smelled Thai food, Laurel's version of comfort food.

"This way," Sara said, turning and heading towards the living room.

"Sara! Why are we at Laurel's?"

"Do you Felicity calls her "Gorgeous Laurel"?" Sara asked instead and Oliver paused at the sudden change in conversation. "She mentioned it once when it was just the two of us. It made me laugh, because I always felt the same; that I could never compare to pretty-perfect Laurel. It was a good moment between us. I wish we had more."

"Sara – "

"Ollie, I swear, if you say anything corny I'm going to beat your ass," Sara said, glaring over her shoulder at him as they reached the dining room where Laurel and Dinah were.

"Here," Laurel said, handing her mom a glass of white wine.

"Thank you, darling," Dinah Lance said softly. It was easy to tell she had been crying, her eyes red and face clean of makeup. She had always been the opposite of Moira Queen, who never let anyone see her moments of weakness, not even her family, one of the reasons why he had always liked her.

She took a hearty drink and poked at the food on her plate as Laurel did the same, neither interested in eating.

"We need to tell your father."

"What? Mom, no!" Laurel said, setting her water glass down with enough alarm Oliver realized they must be talking about Sara. How Laurel had come to tell Dinah wasn't clear, but everything started to make sense as the two Lance ladies stared at each other across the table. "I told you, we can't tell Dad. If he finds out about Sara…"

"Your father is a strong man, Laurel," Dinah told them, not feeling the ghost of Sara's hand land on her shoulder in support. "Stronger than you know."

"No. No!" Laurel said, standing to pace along her edge of the table. "You haven't been here! You haven't seen how bad it's been since he was hurt fighting those monsters! You haven't had to see the relief and hope in his eyes every time he mentions her. If he knows she's dead, it'll kill him."

"No. What would kill him is knowing you've carried the burden of her death by yourself, Laurel."

Shaking her head, Laurel took several deep breaths as her hands curled into fists. Standing, Dinah walked around the table and wrapped her arms around Laurel in a tight hug.

"Hiding Sara's death is killing you as surely as the pills and alcohol were," Dinah murmured softly into her hair and Laurel slowly unwound against her mother, tears falling silently. "I know you were trying to protect us, but we knew the risks a long time ago. After meeting that woman, Nyssa, it wasn't hard to tell Sara had been involved with something dangerous. So, when she went back to them, I knew that one day this could happen. Your father knows it too, so you don't have to protect him, no matter what you feel."

"I just…I just…!"

"I know, darling, I know," Dinah said against Laurel's grief. "But you never need to be afraid to share the things that hurt you with me or your father. We love you, so that means we will always be here for you, no matter what."

sSs

They were back in the Foundry, this time with the lights on. Seeing the tears running down Sara's face, Oliver took her hand in his and squeezed it. Smiling, she turned the squeeze before tilting her head towards the main area, indicating he should go ahead.

Making his way through the Foundry, Oliver heard the sound of two people fighting. Stepped out from behind of the storage cases, he saw Dig and Roy facing off across from each other. Roy was gasping for breath and scowling, while Dig was barely breathing hard and had that irksome smirk he wore when he was winning.

"Again?" Dig asked, bringing up his fists and taking his kick boxing stance.

Nodding, Roy straightened, bringing his own hands up before launching into an attack. He was smaller, but made up for it with quick, fast, attacks he and Oliver had learned work best for him. Several blows landed, but Dig barely moved before going on the offensive. In short order he had Roy down on the mats, grinning widely.

"Again?"

"Nah, I'm done for tonight," Roy groaned, spitting out his mouth guard. He sprawled on the mat, trying to catch his breath as Dig removed his gloves and glanced over towards the computer station.

"Felicity. We're calling it a night," Diggle called and the blond head in front of the computer jerked up as if startled.

"Wasn't sleeping!" Felicity blurted out before freezing. "Crap baskets."

"Hey." Going to stand next to her, Oliver followed Dig as a silent ghost. Placing a hand on her shoulder, Dig forced Felicity to face him. She was blushing and had a guilty look on her face, causing Dig to sigh. "I thought we agreed you were going home and sleeping last night?"

"No. You ordered," Felicity countered. "I merely took it as a suggestion."

"Felicity, you need to sleep," Diggle stressed, moving so they were eye level, but Felicity stubbornly stared over at the case where Oliver's outfit was in the case. "I know you're worried – "

"It's been ten days, John," Felicity whispered. "Oliver's been gone for ten days, and I can't find him anywhere."

Pausing, Diggle met her gaze before opening his mouth to speak but Felicity shook her head, cutting him off.

"I don't want to hear it," she told him fiercely. "He has to come back."

"We don't know anything about Ra's ah Ghul," Diggle countered, "so we have no way to knowing what happened."

"I know Oliver," Felicity countered, standing from her chair as she glared at Dig and Roy, who had been watching the exchange silently with worry clearly evident on his face. "He's a survivor. He made it on that stupid island, against a Mirakuru-crazy Slade and whatever hell Amanda Waller put him through. He survived Malcolm Merlyn and beat Slade, again. We've seen him defy the odds that are stacked against him! So he has to beat Ra's ah Ghul too, because there isn't any other option."

Watching her, Oliver was reminded why he loved her. Her optimism and light had brought him back from the darkness time and time again, the only person able to get past the walls he had put up after coming back from Lian Yu. Pushing her away, the best part of him, had nearly been his undoing and yet, even after breaking her heart, her continued presence by his side had also been the only reason he hadn't completely come undone.

"You can't tell me to stop believing in him, John," Felicity whispered, filling the silence that had taken over the Foundry. "Because Oliver may not even believe in himself anymore, but I won't give up."

"I'm sorry," Diggle said, going to her and wrapping his arms around Felicity. "You're right."

"I'm always right," she sniffed into his shirt before leaning into him. "Except when I'm not, which is a rare and wondrous thing you may see one day. No promises, though."

Chuckling, Diggle placed a brief kiss on her head before pulling back.

"Why don't we start fresh in the morning, then? I'll talk with Lyla, see if there is anything ARGUS can share," Diggle said and Felicity nodded, biting her lip as she turned to shut down her computers for the night as the three members of Team Arrow packed up for the night.

Roy disappeared first, heading up the bar for his job. Diggle pulled on his coat and waited as Felicity gathered up her stuff and joined him on the stairs.

"Something's bothering you," Dig said, picking up on Felicity's signals that she was worried about something.

"John, I…I told him to kill Ra's," she confessed, stopping on the stairs. "I told him the only way this whole thing with the League, with Malcolm and Thea, would end is if he killed Ra's. Even after standing by his side when everyone told him to kill Slade, I told him to kill someone."

"You told him the truth," Diggle told her, taking her thoughts seriously and instantly lightening some of her worries. "It's a hard truth, Felicity, one I bet Oliver never wanted to you to face. He always wanted to protect you from what we do the most."

"Well, he's an idiot," Felicity sniffed. "I may wear glasses, John, but they aren't rose-colored. Don't forget that I joined our little club when we were still maintaining an active body count. I knew what I was getting into."

"I think that's what bothered Oliver the most, that you saw that side of him."

"I'm officially upgrading him to "moron", then."

"We've side tracked," Diggle said, though he was smiling. "What Oliver has always needed from you, Felicity, wasn't some appearance of innocence. It has always been the truth. The truth to look beyond his father's list and see the people underneath, or the truth that sometimes the hardest path is the one best taken. So, no matter what happens with Oliver and Ra's ah Ghul, you can't feel bad for telling him the truth."

Nodding, Felicity sniffed and took the handkerchief Diggle passed to her silently.

"Good. Now, how about dinner before I take you home? Lyla said she's making lasagna."

"John, I love your wife," Felicity sighed in happiness as the two left the Foundry.

"I have to agree with Felicity: you can be a moron," Sara said as she came and joined Oliver by the stairs where he had trailed after Diggle and Felicity. He physically hurt watching her walk away, as if they were back at the hospital when he told her he had made a choice between Oliver Queen and the Arrow.

"What?" he asked, pulled from his thoughts as Sara's words finally reached him.

"Why did you break up with her, Ollie? You two have been making googly-eyes at each other for over a year, but you give up after one bad date," Sara said, rolling her eyes and Oliver glared at her.

"She nearly died!"

"She was concussed. You did worse to me during a sparring match," Sara countered.

"It's different. She wasn't – "

"Suppose to get hurt?" Sara finished. "You seem to forget, Ollie, that the bomb was in your jacket. If you had brought it to the Foundry, she wouldn't have been hurt – she would have probably died, considering the case is right next to her station."

"I know! She was hurt because of me, but the thought I could have killed her?" Oliver snapped at her, frustrated. It had eaten him alive when he realized what could have happened and it had scared him enough to push her away, thinking it would be safer for her.

He just hadn't realized he would push her into the arms of another man.

sSs

"Where are we now?" Oliver asked. The Foundry had faded out and he took in the long hallways the surrounded them.

Sara watched him cautiously before turning and walking away, heading down the hall.

"Sara!"

Stopping outside a set of doors that looked like Japanese shoji doors, Sara took a deep breath as she finally turned to look at him.

"Malcolm Merlyn's," she finally said before they passed through the doors and into what looked to be a training dojo.

Two figures stood across from each other in full kendo gear, swords at the ready. In a flurry of motion, they moved through forms Oliver vaguely remembered from his time with Maseo and Tatsu. The larger one hit hard and fast, but the smaller one stood strong until they finally went down on one knee, their opponent's blade on their neck.

"You're distracted." Stepping back and pulling off his helmet, Malcolm Merlyn scowled down at the other person.

"I know. I'm sorry," Thea muttered as she pulled off her own helmet. She was panting and wiped at the sweat on her forehead as she glared down at the ground. Wincing, she came to her feet as she rubbed her neck.

"Sorry isn't good enough!" Merlyn barked and Oliver's heart seemed to stop as Thea flinched back. When Merlyn started another attack without warning, Thea scrambled to avoid the blow that would have caught her full in the face had she not managed to block at the last moment.

Letting out a guttural roar, Oliver made to interfere only to find himself stuck next to Sara.

"We aren't here, Oliver," she reminded him. "For all that this may seem real, she's out of your reach."

Exhaling harshly, Oliver could only watch as Merlyn landed a sharp blow on Thea's right hand and she dropped to the ground with a yell, curling herself around her hand.

"When you came to me, you had one goal: to be stronger," Malcolm reminded her, staring down at her with a blank expression that did nothing to hide the anger in his eyes. "I think it's time we cut the last string."

"What are you talking about?" Thea groaned, slowly straightening even as she kept her hand curled against her stomach.

"Your brother."

"Ollie?"

"Your last weakness lies in the love you have for your brother," Merlyn said, turning to cross the room to hang up his sword before staring at Thea. "You must sever it."

"But, Ollie is the – " Thea bit back her words at the last moment, but it was too late.

"Only family you had?" he asked with sneer. "Yes, let's recount how your "only family" has treated you. He spent five years, alive, without making any attempt at contacting you."

"He was on a deserted island!"

"That's the story he told you," Merlyn countered. "But I found that he spent a year in Hong Kong, and never made any attempt at reaching you."

"That's a lie!" Oliver and Thea snapped together. He had nearly died trying to reach them and only the threat of Waller killing Tatsu and Akio had finally stopped his attempts.

"Even after that, he lied when he came back to Starling City. He refused to open up to you, to tell you the truth about what happened those five years he was gone. He told everyone else. Laurel, his IT girl, the bodyguard, even your mother knew the truths he was hiding from you!" Merlyn shot out, not letting Thea counter as she paled.

"He knew about your mother's involvement with the Undertaking. He never said a word about the truth of your parentage; he protected his mother over telling you the truth!"

"Stop it!" Thea yelled, but Merlyn was ruthless as he continued.

"Oliver Queen manipulated you from the moment he got off that island," Merlyn hissed and Thea shook her head, eyes wide in panic and confusion. "To protect himself and his _cause_."

"What are you talking about?" Thea ground out and Merlyn yanked off his armor before pulling his arm out of his top, revealing the angry red wound above his heart.

"He gave me this," Merlyn told Thea, crossing over to her and wrapping his hand around her arm as he stared down at her. "The _Arrow_ gave me this."

"No. _No!_" Thea screamed, trying to pull back but Merlyn refused to loosen his grip. "You're lying!"

"No. I am the only one who has _never_ lied to you!" Malcolm countered, shaking her as tears started to silently fall down Thea's face as everything started to fall into place like some horrible puzzle. "The boy that claimed to love you and your own so called 'family'. _They_ are the ones who lied to you! I am telling you the truth you need to hear to finally break the last shackle they had placed on you."

Releasing her suddenly, Thea collapsed down to the ground as she let out a scream of pain and anger. Malcolm stared down at her, detached, before stalking past her to the doors. Throwing them open, Malcolm paused in the door way before speaking softly.

"Thea Queen is dead."

Leaving Thea collapsed on the floor, Malcolm walked away as Thea let out another scream.

"I just wanted to protect her," Oliver whispered softly, feeling like his heart was shattering. Kneeling next to Thea, he started to reach out only for his hand to freeze over her bent head. "To keep her safe from what I did."

"I know," Sara told him softly. "But when did protecting her mean you needed to keep your distance? To stay away from her when her world shattered, when she watched her mother die for reasons she doesn't understand?"

"Sara," Oliver said, her name a plea. He didn't need his own crimes thrown back at him, not when they haunted him every day.

"This is the truth of your actions, Oliver. I cannot keep that from you," Sara told him coldly, detached like the assassin she had been trained to be. "Your lies are what will be the final piece to drive Thea into Malcolm's world of deceit, lies, and murder. She will turn against people she once considered friends and will be a calamity on Starling City."

Finally losing the last of his control, Oliver yelled and pounded his fist into the floor under him.

sSs

As much as he fought it, tried to keep Thea with him, eventually Merlyn's house disappeared from around them. When he finally straightened, staring at his hand that was stinging but not bleeding even after the beating, his surroundings had him grabbing for the counter behind him in shock.

"No."

Turning, he found Sara standing next to the bed on his father's yacht. Some part of him was glad she was still in her Canary outfit and not dressed as she had been that night, but that wasn't enough to counter the panic rising in him at what he knew would be coming as thunder blasted above them.

"You said before that you felt that you couldn't be saved," Sara told him, oddly calm despite their surroundings. "You're wrong. You showed me that."

Sitting down on the bed, Sara clasped her hands together as thunder shook the boat around them.

"Those months in Starling, you showed me it was possible to push the darkness away. To take the other option the League had hidden. But I realized something. Being saved is not the same as getting absolution."

"What?" Oliver asked, flinching as another crack of thunder came from straight above them, distracted.

"We can never be forgiven for the lives we taken," Sara told him, eyes sad as she finally looked at him. "It's not some equation to be evened out. The deaths we caused to survive or took under justice, be it your own or the Leagues, will forever darken our souls. But you've seen the light, Ollie. You know there is a way to lighten those shadows and a way towards saving our souls, even if we are never forgiven."

Standing, Sara crossed over until she was standing in front of him, taking his limp hands in hers.

"You're scared," she whispered, staring up at him and Oliver closed his eyes at her words, at the truth of them. "You've been scared of the darkness that drove you on the island and when you first returned to Starling City. You used that to push people away from you, to keep yourself as isolated as you once were so that they couldn't see.

"Felicity, John, Roy, Thea. They are your beacons, the ones that lighten the darkness around you. Pushing them away, Ollie, doesn't protect them and it doesn't protect you," she told him.

"You don't have to be alone anymore."

"Sara," he breathed, opening his eyes to see her smiling at him just as the boat groaned around them before splitting open.

"No!" Oliver screamed as this time he was caught in the current, his legs pulled out from under him. Fighting against the water, he struggled to grab anything around him as he stared up at Sara in horror. "Sara!"

"Live, Oliver," she told him before disappearing as Oliver lost his fight in staying above the water and he was plunged into the freezing abyss, screaming Sara's name.

_To be continued..._

* * *

><p>AN: Right. Christmas. Did I mention above that this was a bitch to write? Holy hell. I think I have most of part three done, my goal (ha) is to get it done before the hiatus ends next week and we're all forced back to canon-land.

**Disclaimer**: Arrow and the Flash belong to DC and CW.


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